


I Feel Like I'm In The Mafia

by TheSassych



Category: Undertale, Undertale trash - Fandom
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2018-07-29 04:46:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7670656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSassych/pseuds/TheSassych
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A typical night shift at the bar ends with bruised knuckles, a bloody face, and a drunk man sent t the doctors with a fractured jaw. The entire world is turned on it's head however when a huge black hole decides to eat me alive and spit me out into a world I can only describe as crazy. I now work at Grillby's bar and know just about everyone in Snowdin and Waterfall, but then my life is once again disturbed when a kid saunters into the bar with dust in their sweater and Sans by their side. I might be just a mixer by trade, but I'm an Italian, and I can and will fight any bastard who crosses me. And if that kid messes with me, then they're messin' with the mafia.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I sighed loudly, rubbing the side of my head in a vain effort to ease the headache. I had just finished my shift at the bar and I was by now dead tired. I started working at six pm, then worked up until two in the morning when most of the clubbers had passed out or moved on, leaving my coworker Toby to clean up the smashed glass and vomit. After every shift I liked to walk home to enjoy the fresh air; the stuffy air in the bar was filled with the stench of sweaty bodies, alcohol, and vomit to the point where the polluted air outside smelled as good as country air when I stepped out. Today however, I had taken a different route. Some drunk asswipe had thought it would be a good idea to flirt with me, and when I refused his advances he had smashed his glass on my hand. He hadn’t hit anything vital, but he had then decided to lunge at me and try to tackle me football-style. Long story short, I had ended up with a bloody face and stitches in my hand, and he was sent to the doctor’s about checking for a fractured jaw.  
I trudged up the hill, my hands shoved into the pockets of my uniform pants. My uniform consisted of a white shirt and a black pinstripe vest with black tuxedo-style pants and shiny black shoes. The sleeves of my shirt were rolled up to allow the warm night breeze to caress the bare skin. I had seen the hill many times before, but never actually walked up it. On the spur of the moment I had decided to explore it before going home, and I was glad I did, until right about……. now.

A shriek left my mouth as I fell forward, curses flying in it’s wake. In mere seconds I was consumed by darkness, my only reassurance was the sound of my screams echoing off the walls. Time seemed to slow down as I plummeted and I found myself quieting my cries in simple curiosity. I looked around at the blackness rushing past, trying to make out some kind of pattern only to be disappointed. I looked below me only to see a small circle of yellow flowers. Flowers. Flowers grew on the ground. The flowers were rushing up to meet my face. My scream was cut short by all the air leaving my body when I hit the ground with a loud thud. I lay there for a moment, moving my chest up and down and trying to suck in as much air as I could. My headache had gotten worse, and I now had a throbbing pain in my entire right side, however apart from that I seemed okay.  
Groaning loudly I sat up, spitting out a number of swear words at the sudden escalation of pain in my head. I sighed and pushed myself shakily into a standing position before looking around to get my bearings. I was in some sort of cave, the bright yellow flowers the only splash of colour apart from the purple-tinted rock. I bit my lip, my eyes flicking around the cave. There didn’t seem to be anything worth noting, so with yet another loud sigh I moved towards the only opening I could see. 

“Well, this is nice.” I mumbled to myself as I walked. “A drunk flirt, a punch-up at the bar, a black hole from which I may never return, and half a blue body. What next, poison ivy?” 

I wasn’t very far off on that guess. When I exited the first cave I found myself in a hallway, at the end of which I could see a glimpse of yellow like the flowers in the previous cave. I licked my lips and headed forwards into the second room, however before I could take more than a few steps my entire body froze in shock. There in front of me was a little yellow flower exactly like the others, only this one was grinning brightly up at me and bobbing around in it’s place. 

“What the fuck?” I murmured slowly, backing away slightly and keeping my eyes glued to the flower. 

If anything, the flower seemed even happier at my words. It waved one of it’s little leaves at me.

“Howdy!” It chirped, startling me even further. “I’m Flowey. Flowey the Flower! What’s your name?” 

It had a slight texan accent, causing me to blink slowly. I did not move, seemingly encouraging the flower’s one-sided conversation. 

“Oh well, it doesn’t matter!” It said happily. “You’re new to the Underground, aren’tcha?” It giggled. “Golly, you must be so confused!” 

While Flower didn’t seem dangerous, he was however incredibly annoying. His cheery, high-pitched voice and constant grin struck a nerve with every word, causing my eye to twitch. He continued his monologue without a care if I was listening or not. 

“…Ready? Here we go!” 

I snapped to attention just as I felt a gentle warmth in my chest and something phased out of my breastbone, leaving me with a small sense of loss. The thing was shaped like a little love-heart, and was a bright fiery yellow. It glowed faintly in the darkness, distracting me from the small white pellets that Flowey seemed to be creating. When I looked up properly I sucked in a quick breath when I saw the pellets zooming straight towards the little yellow heart. As weird as the thing was, it felt like it was a part of me. I yelped loudly and darted towards the heart, swiping my hand to the left to push it away from the pellets. To my surprise, the heart moved before I even touched it, sliding over out of the path of the bullets. Curiously, I held out my hand towards the heart and tried swinging my hand to the right. Just as it hand before, the heart followed my movement almost like magic. Flowey’s annoying voice snapped me out of my reverie. 

“Hehe… hey buddy, you missed them! Let’s try again. Ready?” 

Without waiting for an answer he sent more pellets my way. Frowning in concentration, I moved the little heart out of the way, dodging the pellets that came too close and weaving in between the others. I smiled triumphantly and looked up at Flowey only to see his eye twitch. I narrowed my eyes at him, crossing my arms and popping out a hip. 

“RUN INTO THE DAMN BULLETS— I mean, friendliness pellets!” He laughed nervously, but I pounced.  
“Checkmate!” I growled, pointing a finger at the rather annoyed flower. “I call bullshit, you little bitch!” 

The flower didn’t even bother sending another round of bullets at the little yellow thing. Instead it chuckled darkly, setting me on edge immediately. I tried to move my little heart thing away, but Flowey surrounded it with bullets that slowly closed in around the heart. 

“Shit, no!” I yelped, already worried about the tiny heart thing. “No, no, no, no, no, no, no!” 

Flowey cackled once again, but was interrupted by a flaming ball of fire hurtling straight at him. It smacked him in the face, and with singed petals and a blackened face he abruptly disappeared under the ground. I glanced around, shifting from foot to foot and waiting for him to pop back up beneath my feet, but I was comforted by a soft hand on my shoulder. 

“He is gone now, child. There is no need to be afraid.” 

I looked up into a huge fuzzy face that looked similar to that of a goat, only broader and capable of showing expressions. It stood about seven feet tall, towering over my 5 foot 8 inches without a problem. It had thick soft-looking white fur and wore a long purple robe with white sleeves. It smiled at me and passed a paw over the yellow thing, causing it to disappear. I jumped and frantically looked around, stopping when I heard the goat chuckle gently. 

“Do not fret, your SOUL is safe.” it explained. 

I drew a blank and gave it a very confused look. 

“My what?” I asked rather dumbly. 

“Your SOUL, child. It is the very culmination of your being. And yours is such a lovely shade of yellow!” The goat didn’t seem to mind my idiotic question, and instead held out it’s hand. 

“My name is Toriel. Welcome to the Ruins.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Explanations to Toriel about how I fell down, and an introduction to a friend of mine... I also need a job.

“Why are you down here, my child?” Toriel asked, peering over her book at where I lay on my belly in front of the fire with a book of my own. 

I chewed absently on the inside of my cheek, turning the page. 

“I fell.” I answered bluntly. 

Toriel chuckled. 

“That much was rather easy to guess,” she said kindly, lowering her book a little. “But how did you come to fall?” 

I sighed and turned over onto my back, laying sprawled over the floor with the book left abandoned beside me. When Toriel first took me in I was edgy and cautious, however over the week I’ve been living with her I’ve come to see her as a mother figure. She fed me, made me some new clothes, and even took me out for tours of the ruins. Many times she had found me laying comfortably on my back with my hands behind my head in the middle of one of the crumbling structures and with a froggit or moldsmal by my side. 

“You probably wouldn't approve.” I stated, staring up at the ceiling. 

Toriel chuckled. 

“You won’t know until you try, child.” she informed me with a smile, closing her own book and folding her hands in her lap. “Would you like to try?”

I snort quietly, then take a breath and begin. 

“Up on the surface I worked as a bartender,” I started. “I lived alone, so I didn’t really need that much money to keep myself going. The day I fell I had been working as usual, drunk people everywhere, a few shy newbies who sat in the corner with a beer and watched everyone else make a fool of ‘emselves. Now, the one thing you should know if you are a female bartender is that you will get hit on. A lot.”

At this point Toriel interrupted me in a fury. 

“Who hit you, child?” she cried, standing up from her armchair. 

I bolted upright and raised my hands in a calming gesture, shaking my head frantically. 

“No no no! That’s not what I meant!” I decided not to tell her about the stitches. 

Eventually she calmed down and sat herself back in her armchair. I sighed in relief.

“So, the night I fell I was working at the bar, and there were a fair few drunk people there.” I resumed, sitting down on the floor and crossing my legs. “One of my besties was there with me, I’d just gotten her a vodka shot and she was sitting in front of me at the bar.” I snorted. “She never fails to make me laugh, especially when she’s drunk.”

Toriel raised an eyebrow at this, but I just laughed. 

“Her name’s Jannah.” I added before continuing. “While she was there some jackass—“

I cut myself off seeing the glare on Toriel’s face and quickly corrected myself. 

“Uh, some idiot decided to try and flirt with me.” Toriel’s face relaxed and I huffed out a breath. “I said no and he got mad, so he tried to grab me… uh… inappropriately. Now, when Jannah is drunk, she’s really compulsive. She leapt up and socked him right in the side of the head!” I laughed loudly, almost forgetting I was telling a story at the image of Jannah’s small but furious face looming over the man. I quickly calmed myself down and resumed speaking, not without the occasional snort of laughter. “The man obviously wasn’t happy, so he pounced on Jannah and tried to punch her. That was NOT going to happen, not when I was there. I jumped over the bar and punched him right in the back of the head, making him turn and get me in the face with his fists. I managed to get away when Jannah jumped on his back and started yanking on his hair.” Again I had to suppress a snort. “I got in under his arms and punched him in the jaw… it cracked pretty loudly.” 

Toriel by now didn’t know how to feel. A big battle of emotions seemed to be chasing each other over her furry face. I chuckled softly and put a hand over hers. 

“He was on the ground, an ambulance was called, and I had to take Jannah home. She was still pretty drunk, so I had to carry her over my shoulder. I fell down the hole after I dropped her off at her house and handed her off to her boyfriend.” I finished. 

Troriel was silent, then sighed. 

“You certainly are trouble, aren’t you my child?”

I just grinned up at her impishly. Toriel chuckled and opened her arms for a hug which I scrambled into as fast as I physically could. She wrapped me in her warm arms and I curled up against her, remaining still for a good minute before I spoke up, my voice muffled by Toriel’s dress. 

“Hey Ma? I kinda need a job…”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toriel finally agrees to let me get a job, but not without precautions. Almost as soon as I step outside however, my stubborn nature is put to the test as I meet and small skeleton who seems to have a knack for putting me on edge... truth be told I seem to have the same effect on him.

It had taken a great deal of pouting and arguing to get Toriel to agree to let me go out. While I had to show her my stitches as proof I could handle myself, causing her to fly into a rage at the man on the surface, she eventually agreed to let me look for a job for myself. I told her I would come back every night to sleep in my bed and I would give her half my money (which she bluntly refused, almost triggering another argument), and even pleaded her on my knees. Finally she sighed and agreed, but only if I took a phone and called her when I left the Ruins, when I got to Snowdin, when I found a job, when I left Snowdin, and when I got back to the ruins. Grudgingly I had agreed, and Toriel just as reluctantly gave me a messenger bag in which I put a slice of cinnamon-butterscotch pie, 100 G, my ‘new’ phone, and a tiny stuffed toy I had found in my room and asked Toriel to keep. 

Finally I stood before two huge purple doors with Toriel holding my hand, my uniform freshly washed and mended, and my messenger bag over my shoulder. I turned to Toriel and engulfed her in a hug, a grin on my face. With my head buried in her dress it took me a moment to register the soft shaking of her shoulders. Immediately I yanked away only to be crushed further into her chest as she sobbed. After a moment of shock I determinedly wrapped my arms around her waist and squeezed as hard as I could, burying my face once again in her stomach. 

“Come on, ma,” I mumbled. “I’m coming back tonight! And I might even have a job! You don’t have to cry…” 

Torial only clutched me tighter and began to cry harder. 

“My child, you do not understand,” she sobbed, almost crushing me in her grip. “You are not the first child who has promised to come back, only to die! I cannot lose another child… I could not bear it…” 

Once again she dissolved into tears, hiding her face in my shoulder and soaking my white button-up shirt. I hugged her close and stroked her back, shushing her gently. 

“I’ll come back for you, ma.” I murmured. “I’ll never leave you. Even if I have to fight tooth and claw to get back to you, I will. I’ll keep fighting until I reach you, I will never give up.” 

Toriel released a shaking breath and hiccuped, then lifted a paw to wipe her streaming eyes. She straightened and looked down at me, sniffling, then gave me a watery smile. 

“I know you will.” she whimpered, giving me another crushing hug. “I love you, my child. Stay safe.” 

I hugged her back, propping my chin on her shoulder. 

“I know, ma. I love you too.”  
She released me and smiled again, then turned to leave. 

“I’ll be in the kitchen when you return.” she said, clearly trying not to cry again. “I’ll make you some special pie!” 

Quickly she left, leaving my alone in the echoey hallway with her retreating footsteps my only company. I sighed quietly and turned to face the door, hardening my gaze at it. 

“No matter what is behind you, I will come back to Toriel.” I said sternly to the door. “And if you are locked, I will beat you down into a pile of splinters before you can stop me from getting back to Goat Mom.” 

With that warning leaving the door a nervous wreck (although I couldn’t exactly tell), I pushed against the doors and stomped out into the snow. Wait…. snow? Snow? Snow?! I let out a long string of curses under my breath and began stomping grumpily forwards through the trees. It was only when I glimpsed a bridge in the distance that I heard a loud CRACK behind me causing me to freeze in my steps. What the fuck was that? I whipped my head around to see a huge stick laying on the ground behind me had been snapped in two. A shiver ran down my spine, causing me to shudder violently. I bit my lip worriedly and glanced around the trees trying to find whoever had stepped on the branch, only to come up empty. I breathed out shakily and turn again, keeping my arms ready to come up and protect my face at any moment. I jumped at every rustle of the wind that shouldn’t be blowing through the trees, gasped at my own footsteps. Finally I reached the bridge and took one more look around. A crunch stopped me in my tracks. 

*h u m a n. d o n ‘ t y o u k n o w h o w t o g r e e t a n e w p a l ? t u r n a r o u n d a n d s h a k e m y h a n d .

Oh shit. Oh shit oh shit oh shit. Oooooh shit. I took a deep breath to calm myself and turned to face the figure behind me. It was short, shorter than me, but it gave off a threatening aura that made me think I’d better shake his hand or else loose my own head. I bit the inside of my cheek and stretched out a hand to shake his, not taking my eyes off his head. I gripped his bony hand harder than necessary, ready to crush it should the need arise. My tight grip however was rewarded with a rather loud raspberry noise. I jerked away in surprise as the figure started laughing. I glared defensively at it, rolling up my sleeves a little higher and getting ready to fight. Then the figure stepped forward and out of the shadows. I did a double take. Um… what? 

The figure was short, as I had notices before. What I had not noticed was the fact that this person was supposed to be dead. Well, on the surface they would be anyway. It was a skeleton. It was short and sturdy-looking, with a large and slightly dopey grin on it’s face. It’s eyes however - well, the tiny glowing pinpricks inside it’s eye sockets - glimmered with something that made me slightly wary that he wasn’t as dopey as he seemed. It wore a baggy blue hoody that appeared a bit faded, and I could smell old tomato sauce from where I stood about a metre away. I wrinkled my nose. It also wore basketball shorts that looked too big, and a pair of fuzzy slippers. 

As I finished looking it over it had begun to calm down, so I decided to ask the question that had been burning in my brain the entire time. 

“What the fuck are you?” 

The skeleton’s grin widened, his bony face moving almost like muscle would. 

*the name’s sans, kid. sans the skeleton. 

I blinked, a small frown staying moulded into my features. I chewed lightly on my lip, contemplating whether to ask him about a job or not. I decided to do it, knowing I probably wouldn’t see anyone else any time soon. 

“Hey uh, Sans?” I asked, raising a hand and holding the back of my neck awkwardly. “You wouldn’t happen to know where I could get a job, would you?” 

Sans, who’s eyes had somehow been closed, opened one in favour of looking me up and down. 

*what d’you want a job for? 

I shrugged uncomfortably and shifted my feet. 

“Well, I gotta earn some money for myself,” I said slightly defensively. “And I need something to do down here.” 

Sans raised a bony eyebrow. 

*kid, getting a job is a bad idea. you won’t last long.

I crossed my arms angrily. 

“Are you saying you think I’ll get fired?” I asked through gritted teeth. 

Sans shrugged, but said nothing. I growled and spun around in the snow, storming across the bridge and down the path on the other side. I didn’t bother looking back. After about a minute of rather tiring angry walking, I came to some sort of sentry post. I kept walking, not particularly interested until a familiar baritone voice cut through my thoughts. 

*you might want to hide, kid. my bro’s coming this way, and he’s a human-hunting fanatic.  
I snapped my head to the side and glared at the skeleton who sat behind the previously empty sentry station, his feet on the table and his hands behind his head. I scoffed. 

“Why should I trust you, you fucki—“ 

I was cut off by the sound of quick loud footsteps heading this way. Quickly I looked around and just in time flung myself behind a tree. Peering out from behind it I bit my lip had to stop myself from letting out a cry of annoyance. There in the clearing stood another fucking skeleton. This one was tall and lanky, his arms and legs going everywhere when he talked. And ‘talk’ he did… well, more like shouting to be honest. 

*SANS, IT’S BEEN THREE DAYS AND YOU STILL HAVENT RE-CALIBRATED. YOUR. PUZZLES!

*ey, take it easy bro. i’ve gotten a tonne of work done today. a skele-tonne!

Did he just…

*SANS! 

I missed the rest of the conversation as I tried desperately to muffle my laughter into my elbow. 

*SIGH. I WILL GO AND CHECK ON MY PUZZLES. AS FOR YOU, PUT A LITTLE MORE… BACKBONE INTO IT. NYEHEHEHE! 

The skeleton ran out of sight, only to poke his head out from behind a tree to add one last triumphant ‘HEH!’. 

I waited a few seconds to make sure he would come back, then came out from behind the tree. Sans seemed to have gone back to sleep, so I sighed frustratedly and walked past him. What I didn’t see was him open one eye and look suspiciously after my retreating form. If I were to have seen it, I would have known that there was a very big possibility I was in deep shit.


	4. Chapter 4

Ten minutes of walking in the snow wearing nothing but a blouse, a pinstripe vest, and some black pants is no doubt going to result in at the very least some mild frostbite. My own journey was no exception. 

“G-g-god d-dammit!” I cried, shuffling through the freezing white powder. “It’s f-f-fucking c-c-c-cold!”

*ah ah ah! language, kid.

A loud growl scraped out of my dry throat as I turned to see Sans following me with his hands in his pockets and a lazy grin on his face. 

“W-w-w-well, f-f-fuck y-you t-t-too!” I rasped, throwing my slightly blue hands in the air in frustration. 

Sans chuckled at my predicament. 

*something wrong kid? you cold or somethin’?

I shrieked in annoyance, deeming this bone-bag a lost cause and turned to leave, shoving my hands so far into my pockets that a few seams ripped. I could only walk a few steps however before I heard crunching beside me. My eyes flicked to the side and I almost screeched to find Sans walking nonchalantly beside me. I sucked in a sharp breath and held it in, trying to stop the flow of insults before they could leave my mouth. I succeeded, much to my triumph. This only lasted about three seconds before I suddenly found myself falling face-first into the snow. I screeched indignantly and pushed my face out of the ice to look for the root I had tripped over. My causing gaze fell on a very smug-looking skeleton. I blinked dumbly at him, not wanting to believe he would go this far. He grinned down at me. 

*had an ice trip down, kid?

A howl of rage met the air and I flung myself at the skeleton in a fit of fury. Before I could reach him he suddenly disappeared, leaving me to fall yet again into the snow. I let out a sob of pure frustration and did not move from the ground, remaining face down in the freezing white stuff that has managed to work it’s way into my shirt and was beginning to melt against my skin. That skeleton was way more than he was worth I decided, laying unmoving in the snow. He could go fuck himself for all I care. I was perfectly happy to lay in this fluffy white snow and stew in my misery, at least until I heard something loud and energetic say:

*OH MY GOD. IS THAT A HUMAN?

I didn’t move. Where that tall skeleton was, Sans was more than likely also. I whined quietly into the snow when his voice only confirmed by half-hearted suspicions.   
*no, i think that’s a rock.

*OH. 

My heart jumped in the tiniest bit. They were leaving! Oh wait…. I don’t trust that bag of bones. He always has something up his sleeve. 

*wait. what’s that in front of the rock?

Hissssssssss. Sans you fucking bastard born straight from Satan’s butthole. 

*OH MY GOD. (IS THAT A HUMAN)

*(yes)

*AHEM. HUMAN! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL CAPTURE YOU! BEWARE, FOR BEYOND THIS POINT ARE A GREAT MANY DIFFICULT PUZZLES, WHICH WILL SURELY HALT YOU IN YOUR TRACKS. PROCEED, IF YOU DARE! NYEHEHEHE!

The loud crunching of footsteps alerted me to the tall skeleton’s retreat. Sans had left too… right? 

*wrong.

I bolted up from my spot in the snow with a loud shriek, jumping to my feet and backing away. I narrowed my eyes at Sans and gritted my teeth. All of a sudden the fight left me in a huge sigh, letting my body slump over and my eyes close. I breathed in again and gave Sans a tired side-eye. 

“Mess with me again skeleton, and I’ll beat your brains out.” I said half-heartedly. 

Sans chuckled. 

*i’m a skeleton, kid. i don’t have brains. 

I did nothing but sigh and turn to leave. Before I could take more than a few steps a hand fell heavily on my shoulder. I turned and glanced at Sans. 

“What?” I grunted. 

Sans just grinned at me. 

*do me a favour and let him capture you. he’s not dangerous, even if he tries to be.

I grunted noncommittally and turned away. Sans chuckled. 

*i’ll take that as a yes, kid.


	5. Chapter 5

By the time I reached Papyrus’s puzzle I was almost dead. I could no longer feel my fingers and I was pretty sure my lips were a bright shade of blue. Snowflakes were caught on my eyelashes and my legs were shaking violently with each step. Each breath I took burned my raw throat, and I couldn’t even talk. 

Papyrus on the other hand seemed perfectly fine, standing on the other side of a patch of clear ice with a wide grin on his face and his hands on his hips. He cleared his non-existent throat and began his speech, which to me sounded like it was filtering through my ears through cotton wool. All I could do was stagger forward only to stop when Papyrus jolted. Through the snow I could see little yellow bolts of electricity floating around his body, but I couldn’t even laugh through my frozen wind pipe. Papyrus and Sans seemed to discuss something, then Papyrus sprinted across the ice in a bit of a zig-zag pattern before placing a heavy metal ball on my head and retreating. I blinked heavily at him, confused. What the heck was I supposed to do now? I looked down at the footprints he left in the snow blankly. I swayed a little, then looked up when I heard Papyrus say something. 

*HUMAN? ARE YOU ALRIGHT? 

I blinked stupidly at him, causing Sans to snicker. 

*i think your puzzle is a bit too hard for her, paps.

I didn’t even scowl at him, I only sat down in the snow and stared blankly at the puzzle in front of me. 

*SANS, I DON’T THINK THE HUMAN IS ALRIGHT. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM?

*i dunno paps. doesn’t matter anyway. i don’t want her to hurt ya

*SANS. I APPRECIATE YOUR CONCERN, BUT NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO BE PROTECTIVE. DO HUMANS USUALLY HAVE BLUE MOUTHS? 

The crunching of snow warned me of the skeletons’ approach. A boney finger prodded at my cheek. 

*uh, paps? i think the human’s frozen.

The tall skeleton practically shrieked, panicking to the point where he started babbling in concern. 

*SANS, TAKE THE HUMAN BACK TO OUR RESIDENCE. WE MUST TAKE CARE OF IT, IT MUST NOT DUST!

Sans was rather obviously pissed off by this statement, but at a glare from his brother he sighed and grabbed me. I found myself swinging through the air before all the remaining air in my frozen lungs was forced out of my body. Sans had apparently picked my up and slung me roughly over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. I coughed hard, trying to breath, only for Sans to start moving. I wheezed out a sigh and closed my eyes, giving up. I’ll kill the bastard later, for now I just want to be warm. 

The wind stopped suddenly like we had just dropped into the void, even though I could still feel Sans walking. After a few seconds the wind kicked up again and Sans stopped. His shoulder shifted, then the muffled sound of a door opening was heard and the wind stopped again, however this time I could still hear the wind blowing outside the windows. Sans dropped me unceremoniously onto what felt like a couch. Warmth enveloped me, which I immediately seized as though it was my only reason to live. I opened my eyes a crack to look around. I was in what looked like a living room with light blue walls and a dark orange carpet.

*HUMAN! I HAVE ACQUIRED SOME HOT COCO FOR YOU! PLEASE DO NOT DUST! I STILL HAVE YET TO BRING YOU TO UNDYNE!

Papyrus came running into the house, the door slamming closed behind him as he dashed to my side holding a steaming mug of something. Slowly I sat up and took the mug, the blanket resting over my hunched form and slowly beginning to warm me up again. I gingerly took a sip of the stuff. It was just chocolate milk that had been warmed up to the point of burning my mouth, but it did the trick. I snuggled into my blanket and tried to curl my frozen lips into a smile. Papyrus cheered and grinned back at me, dancing around the room ridiculously. 

*THE HUMAN SHALL LIVE! HURRAH!

I laughed silently at his dancing, then took another sip of hot chocolate milk. I sighed and sank back into the couch, stiffly moving my arms to pull the blanket tighter around my body. 

After a while my lips finally returned to their natural pink and I could freely move my fingers. It was then that Papyrus decided to begin a conversation with me, to ‘gain knowledge about his target in order to easily defeat it!’. 

*SO HUMAN, HOW DID YOU COME TO FALL DOWN INTO THE UNDERGROUND?

I rubbed the back of my head sheepishly and grinned at the tall skeleton. 

“I got into a fight at work so I was taking a walk to calm down, but I wasn’t watching where I was going so I tripped and fell down the hole.” I explained, lacing my fingers together behind my head and leaning back against the couch. 

I could almost see Papyrus’ eye sockets sparkle as he clasped his hands together under his chin, almost like an anime character. 

*WOWIE HUMAN! YOU CAN FIGHT? YOU ARE VERY MUCH LIKE MY BEST FRIEND UNDYNE!

Papyrus jumped up and began running around crazily. He suddenly skidded to a halt and turned to face me, grinning enthusiastically. 

*SAY HUMAN, DO YOU BY CHANCE HAVE ANY BATTLE SCARS?

I chuckled and showed the tall skeleton the gash on the back of my hand, laughing outright when he practically squealed in excitement. He scurried up to me, pushing his face close to mine. 

*AND NOW HUMAN, THE FINAL TEST OF A TRUE WARRIOR: WHAT IS THE REASON FOR YOUR COURAGEOUS BATTLE?

“Uh… a drunk man attacked my friend?” I said unsurely, leaning backwards a little. 

Papyrus nodded approvingly and plopped himself down on the couch next to me. 

*HUMAN, YOU WOULD MAKE A GOOD ADDITION TO THE ROYAL GUARD! PERHAPS UNDYNE WOULD ALLOW YOU TO JOIN IF SHE WAS TO HEAR OF YOUR HEROICS!

A deep chuckle came from directly behind me, making me jump and yelp, whipping my head around only to be greeted by the fixed grin of Sans the Skeleman. 

*sounds like you’re a real fighter. i bet you’d pack a punch if you know what i mean.

He snickered and shot Papyrus a sly look as the taller skeleton threw his hands in the air in exasperation. 

*SANS THE HUMAN HAS JUST RECOVERED FROM DUST BY FREEZING, CAN YOU NOT REFRAIN FROM SHARING YOUR RIDICULOUS PUNS UNTIL THE HUMAN IS FULLY RECOVERED

*they look pretty cool to me paps

He winked at me, however his eyes were cold. I just looked at him blankly, my eyes narrowed. I pulled my head back a little, my eyes raking over his hunched form, trying to find the slightest change in his appearance that might suggest a doppleganger or intruder. I found instead the same suspicious glint in his empty eye sockets as there had been when I first met him. 

What in the name of all that is Holy happened to Sans, and why does he suddenly seem more dangerous than before?


	6. Chapter 6

Sans turned to me, his grin stretching a little. 

*take a walk with me, kiddo

I hesitated, then nodded and stood up, smiling at Papyrus to reassure him then exiting the house after Sans, leaving Papyrus to exit also and take off running into the town. I giggled softly at his antics, but stiffened and threw up my guard when I remembered Sans. I turned to face him and he growled, his eye sockets empty and black. They were so dark they seemed to try and suck me into an empty void. The air around us became dead and chilly, causing me to steady myself on my feet and raise my fists a little, ready to fight if I had to. My eyebrows furrowed and my eyes narrowed, gazing at Sans defensively as I studied his every move. 

He chuckled darkly and stepped forward. I stepped back, raising my fists into a position resembling a typical boxing stance. 

“What do you want, Sans?” I asked, my voice cold and blank. 

Sans grinned sinisterly and stepped forward again, making me back away once more. 

*i don’t like you. 

I snorted bitterly. 

“In case it wasn’t already obvious,” I said sarcastically. 

Sans’ brow bone twitched, but nonetheless he did not lash out… yet. 

*i’ll get straight to the point with ya, kiddo. i don’t trust you, not around my brother and not around monsters. for all i know you might have dusted whoever lives on the other side of those massive doors.

I paused in confusion, then my eyes widened at the accusation. 

“Ma?!” I cried, furious that he could have even suggested such a thing. “What the fuck did I do that would even give you the idea that I would murder my own Ma? You sick fucking bastard!” 

*now now, i’m not saying you did kill her. i’m just sayin’ ya could have. 

He lowered his voice and his head, the air around us beaching even more grim. 

*but hear me when i say this. if you even so much as think about hurting my brother, you’re gonna have a bad ti—

A scream cut him off from his threat, and both our heads snapped around. Sans froze, his eye sockets empty, but I immediately took off running. My boots crunched on the snow as I raced through the village, following the remnants of the scream that floated in the air. Soon I arrived at a huge cliff face. The area was empty but for two red gloves on the edge of the cliff. Another shriek came from over the ledge and I sprinted forward only to look down on Papyrus hanging precariously from his fingers over the ledge. His booted feet dangled over the huge drop which ended in a shallow-looking river. Tears were bubbling up at the corners of his eyes and I immediately lost all my breath. 

“Papyrus!” I whispered, whipping my head around for something to grab him with. 

He looked too heavy to pull up myself, but there was nothing within reach. A flare of blue in the corner of my eye warned me of someone else’s presence. Not on my watch was someone going to sabotage this skeleton. 

“Don’t move or I’ll kill you!” I barked, not taking my eyes off the dangling skeleton in front of me, now crying hard and sobbing loudly. 

*H-HUMAN! I CAN’T GET BACK UP! 

I bit my lip, then leaned forward and grabbed Papyrus’ forearm. 

“Hold on Paps.” I warned, then I gripped him tightly and heaved upward. 

Slowly I managed to drag him up over the ledge. When his boots cleared the eye of the cliff I fell backwards with him, panting. He was whimpering and clinging on to me tightly. 

“Shhh, it’s okay buddy. You’re fine Paps, you’re okay.” I said softly, hugging him back and stroking his skull. “Can you stand up?” 

Papyrus shakily tried to stand, only to fall back down again. He began to cry again, but I shushed him and stood myself, sliding one arm around his ribcage and one under his knees. Slowly I lifted him up. He was heavy, but not as heavy as a human due to the lack of muscle and flesh and organs. Still shushing him gently I let him nuzzle his skull into my neck as I turned to carry him home. 

*SANS…

“Shh. We’ll go find Sans, okay? Come on Paps, chin up. If you want to be part of the Royal Guard you have to be strong!” 

Papyrus nodded and sniffled, curling up in my arms. I smiled down at him, the looked up to begin walking only to feel my smile slide off my face at the sight in front of me. Sans the skeleton stood in front of me with one blank eye socket and one socket blazing such a bright blue I was almost blinded when I looked into it. 

I gasped and backed up a few steps, tightening my grip on Papyrus protectively. Sans did not move, only stared at me with that eerily glowing eye. I gulped, not breaking eye contact with the pissed-looking skeleton. 

*h u m a n

My breathing stopped for a moment, my chest closing. I was in deep shit. Sans’ eyes narrowed. 

*give papyrus to me

I bit my lip and scowled at him. I opened my mouth to growl at him only to be interrupted by a whimper from my arms. I looked down at the skeleton I was holding, my scowl melting into a look of worry and curiosity. 

“Paps?” I asked. “You okay?” 

Papyrus looked up at Sans, tears still resting in his eye sockets. 

*SANS… THE HUMAN HELPED ME. PLEASE DON’T HURT THEM. THEY ARE A GOOD PERSON, SANS… IF YOU HURT THE HUMAN I WILL BE VERY SAD.

His last statement was a little more matter-of-fact, making me chuckle under my breath. Sans stared at his brother, who snuggled closer to my body warmth and looked at his brother defiantly. My eyes began to grow moist as I looked down at the precious skeleman. He had just defended me against his protective, defensive, moody brother. A wide grin lit up my face and I hugged Papyrus tightly. 

“Oh Papyrus, you fucking cinnamon roll of a skeleman!” I cried, nuzzling my nose into the top of his skull. 

Papyrus gave me a stern look for a split second for my language, but then his face cracked open int a wide happy grin and he pounced on me, tackling me into the snow. 

*HUGS! GROUP HUGS FOR EVERYONE! 

I broke out into loud laughter as I pushed the skeleton over and began to wrestle with him pinning him down for only a moment before his pushed me off and rolled me over so that I was lying face-first in the snow. My laughter was muffled as I struggled to escape Papyrus’ grip, but eventually I gave up. 

“I give, I give!” I cried, tears of laughter wetting my eyelashes. “White flag, Paps!” 

Papyrus got off me and stood up with his hands on his hips, his scarf blowing in the wind as he grinned triumphantly. 

*NYEHEHE! THE GREAT PAPYRUS TRIUMPHS AGAIN!

I chuckled nervously when I remembered Sans watching, then rolled over out of the snow only to be greeted by a boney hand outstretched to help me up. Sans grinned down at me, the corners of his eye sockets denting almost like the smile wrinkles at the corner of a human’s eyes. His face was relieved and happy. His skull was almost glowing as he grinned down at me, making me smile back (albeit a little wary). 

*hey kid… thanks. i guess you’re not really bad to the bone. 

He winked at me, and I laughed. Partly out of relief, I grinned at him and took his hand, allowing him to pull me to my feet. 

“Heh, thanks skeleman.” I said with a wink of my own. 

Sans chuckled at me. 

*anytime, Goldie.

I raised an eyebrow. 

“Goldie?” I questioned with a smirk. 

Sans nodded at my look and laughed. 

*your soul is a pretty nice yellow as i’ve been told.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The love-hate relationship I now have with Sans makes itself known and I get myself a job, only to realise I've made a grave mistake in the process... Ma won't be happy.

“So Sans,” I started, my fingers digging into the holes left in the seams of my pockets. “About that job I told you about needing.” 

I gave him a sour look and he chuckled at me, winking. 

*the only place around here that might hire you is grillby’s. 

I raised an eyebrow, silently asking him to elaborate. He just ignored me with a smirk. I huffed but bit my tongue to refrain from cursing him in front of Papyrus. Seeing my displeasure he laughed again, his deep gritty sounding voice vibrating through his ribs. He lifted a boney hand and gestured me away from the main path. Understandably I hesitated and squinted at him. He snorted. 

*i thought we’d already laid down the facts here. i won’t hurt ya anymore, kid. 

I drew my head back and squinted harder. I most likely looked a little bit constipated, but nonetheless Sans grunted. He however, instead of acting like a bit more of an emotional being, seized my hand and trotted off into the abyss that he first dragged me through while I was on the path to ‘death by blue lips’. When we emerged from the void I found myself, and the bone bastard, in front of a brick building that wouldn’t have stuck out much from the other buildings around but for the huge sign above the door reading “GRILLBY’S” in big red letters. The windows flickered with orange light, but I couldn’t see much else. Sans snickered and held the door open for me. 

*after you.

Biting back a grumble and the urge to try and kick him I walked into the tavern and immediately had to force down a squeal of delight. It was a bar. The floors around me were scattered with snow that had blown in through the door when customers entered or exited, but otherwise reflected the warm flicker of candles and what looked to be the bartender. The bar itself was polished wood of some kind and each table around the tavern was packed full save for one or two that only seated a drunk bunny and a carnivorous looking plant monster. While I had been staring like an idiot Sans had sauntered his way to the bar, greeting every person in sight with a flick of his fingers of a nod of his head with a grin on his face. He beckoned me over when he met my gaze, patting the stool next to him. I walked over and began to sit down before I noticed something pink beneath me. With an even more sour look than before I pulled out a whoopee-cushion and dangled it in front of Sans. 

*be careful. Some pransker likes to put whoopee cushions on the seats. 

My immediate response to this was to whack him as hard as I could over the skull with the whoopee cushion, causing him to fall into a mess of cackles and summoning the bartender towards us. 

*May I help you?

I could barely make out the words since they sounded almost exactly like the crackling of a flame, but fortunately I was able to make them out. 

“Uh yeah.” I said, drawing his attention and what felt like a little surprise. “I’ve been looking for a job and Sans recommended your place?” 

The bartender threw a look over at Sans, who was recovering from his laughing fit, then looked back at me. 

*Come with me. I’d like to talk to you first. 

I nodded quietly and got off the stool, kicking the leg of Sans’ as I did. I failed to knock him over, however I quickly followed the monster behind the bar and into the back room before Sans could do anything. 

The monster beckoned me forward and looked me up and down before speaking. 

*My name is Grillby. As I understand it you would like a job here?

I nodded, holding my hands behind my back to hide my fidgeting fingers from what what may well be the boss around here. Grillby looked over me again before speaking. 

*Should I assume you have prior experience working at a similar establishment?

I nodded once again. 

“I worked as a bartender in another bar but had to leave for uh… personal reasons?” I managed. 

Grillby raised an eyebrow at me, his faming head seeming to crackle a little more. I sighed. 

“I wasn’t fired, I fell into the underground which as you can imagine somewhat interrupted by schedule.” I explained. 

Grillby nodded understandingly and gestured for me to relax a little. 

*I could do with some help here. However I will keep you on probation for a week, to see exactly how you cope here. I assume your previous job was rather different from what this one will be. 

I knew he was referring to the whole human world thing and chuckled a little. 

“Thank you, sir.” I said, offering a hand to shake his. 

He hesitated, then shook his head. 

*It may be better if you avoided touching me, at least until you procure some gloves. 

Realising that he was indeed either on fire or made of fire itself I put my hand down and simply nodded at him. He nodded back and opened the door for me to leave. 

“Thanks again, boss.” I said with a crooked smile. 

*Are you able to start in two days time? 

“Yep.” I said, walking out of the room and completely ignoring the dirty look Sans threw me. “What time?”

Grillby thought for a moment. 

*The tavern opens at six am. Aim to arrive by five thirty, please.

“Gotcha.” 

Thanking him one final time I walked back out from behind the bar and glanced at Sans, who raised a brow bone at me and jumped off his stool. 

*i assume you got the job.

I grunted at him, which he evidently took to mean yes. He smacked me on the back a little harder than necessary. 

*congrats, kid. i’ll be there at six on the dot to make sure you don’t mess up. 

I huffed at him, then paused for a moment, a look of dread crossing my face. 

“Shit! I forgot to call Toriel!” 

Ma will not be happy...


End file.
